Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Der Rattenkonig



In days of yore, when Christendom's men of science believed that birds grew out of barnacles and common folk boiled pig's blood until it congealed into a form of pudding and then consumed said pudding, legends were told of a diabolical vermin gestalt known as the Rat King. As the cities of Christendom grew ever more densely populated, so too did the concentrations of urban filth. And as the accumulation of filth grew, attendant swarms of vermin feeding upon and living within said filth enmassed in the cities of men. And as growth in human populations led to cultural advances and political consolidation, so too did the rats advance in their own ways. No one can say exactly when or how it first happened, perhaps it was a mere accident, a throng of rats tussling over some tripes, or a frenzied verminous orgy, but somehow, in some rat's nest, their wiry tails became entangled and enmeshed in blood and feces, and by some miracle of whatever dire angel or saint claims dominion over these creatures they found their nervous systems somehow con-joined.


These Rat-Kings possessed enhanced intelligence, it was said, and were able to walk about as if one singular creature. The mental capacity of this gestalt entity was also augmented, to the point where a single rat-king could not only master the speech of Men, but reason and argue as well. And as was the nature of their kind, all the newfound talents of these rat-kings were concentrated upon consolidation of their dominion over the more singular of their species, and extracting boons and benefactions from Human-kind, either through slick persuasion or by organized thuggery.



A French priest was torn to shreds by a blood-thirsty mob after a parishioner spotted him splitting tithes with a rat-king in the deep recesses of a Parisian alley.



It was said the Musulemen entreated with the rat-kings of Vienna during their lengthy siege in vain hopes of gaining subterranean access to the holy city(the rat-kings owing no allegiance to the pope until a bargain was struck after their assasination of Benedict XIII (the Dominicans ever held a grudge against their kind, stronger than the instincts of man would naturally assume that is)).



In the savage Norselands where the Rats themselves claim heritage Rat-Kings often became so politically astute that they were advisors to the royals of Sweden, using the unique talents of their factions in intrigues against the Danes and Norwegians in exchange for free access to the sewers and alleys of Stockholm.


But as the enlightenment spread across Christendom the sway of the rat-kings diminished. Today one only finds the rat-kings in lore and museums, although to the adventurous who dare seek out hidden corridors of ancient sewers in the old capitals of Europe, who knows what may still be lurking, unseen to eyes of men, biding their time until some unknown chroniker's hands approach some nefarious configuration...