In Which a bunch a five dollar words are used, insults to intellects are leveled, puns are listed, and you smile quietly to yourself in mild amusement
Here, today, at this time only, in the general vicinity of this web-blog, we shall be discussing a unique form of Paronomasia known as the "Tom Swiftly," or "Tom Swifties," depending on your level of pathology. Of course I use the term "discussing" in a misleading manner of arbitrariness when I actually mean "presenting a list," and for a change of pace, I shall not be putting forth an analysis and/or history of said phenomena, merely outlining a series of outstanding examples and allowing you, my dear readers, to "fill-in-the-dots" as the case may be. Should this task prove too difficult for you, may I suggest turning your lidded eyes away from this web-log and towards one more suited for yourself, perhaps one of thousands available featuring digitally altered daguerreotypes of celebrities accompanied by idle lies dreamed up by the casually vicious?
"I have a BA in social work," said Tom with a degree of concern.
"It's only average," said Tom meanly.
"I have no idea," Tom said thoughtlessly.
"My pencil is blunt," said Tom pointlessly
"The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz," said Tom in measured tones.
"I see," said Tom icily.
"3.14159265," Tom said piously.
"What's a wide-angle lens?" asked Tom obtusely.
"I won't finish in fifth place," Tom held forth.
"I'm wearing a ribbon on my arm," Tom said with abandon.
"Dat's de end of April," Tom said in dismay.
"I feel so empty," Tom said vacuously.
"I'm swimming in the middle of Paris!" Tom shouted insanely.
"It's an actual parameter, not a formal parameter," was Tom's argument.
"Your honor, you're crazy!" said Tom judgmentally.
"I'm putting on my t-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses," Tom summarized.
