Late February in the Metropolitan Middle West: a bleak period of various forms of unpleasant precipitation pissing down from the heavens, when all that remains of St Valentine's gifts are chocolate smudged ridged wax papers and slowly wilting foil balloons, when the lengthening of the days grows steadily more apparent allowing one more time by which to view the piles of accumulated filth and coalesced car pollution left behind by melting snow banks. I know not how you, dear readers, while away these dredges of late winter. Perhaps you stare vacantly at high definition screens regaling you with the easily resolved mis-haps of broadly drawn stereo-types. Or may-haps you soothe your tattered souls by way of the coarse consumption of grain spirits enlivened with carbonated corn sugar, writhing away to the thumping pulse of Popular music until dervish like states of unconsciousness are obtained.
I pass these late February afternoons organizing my Shostakovich 320 gram vinyl collections firstly by year of recording, secondly by last name of conductor, thirdly by key (following the circle of fifths most naturally), fabricating word ladders that double as Amusing Ethical Parables of Possibly Ironic Nature (hubris to suffer, love to hell, math to holy, et cetera) and relaxing in my tan and blue Burberry upholstered arm chair reading my way through the Oxford English dictionary. While engaging in the latter activity, I find that when entries tickle my fancy I summon my amanuensis (a some ill bred lad who I discovered on Craig's List, literate but poorly learn'd, and whom I pay in boiled russet potatoes) hence to inscribe the very words that have delighted me, for future use in my Semi-Annual Obscure Word Jumbles. Here then is a light selection from that very list, compiled for the raising of your late winter spirits.
bezique: a trick taking card game for two, played with a double pack of sixty-four cards, including the seven to ace only in each suit.
bilverdin: a green pigment excreted in bile.
caruncle: the red prominence at the inner corner of the eye.
festschrift: a collection of writings published in honour of a scholar.
jiggery-pokery: deceitful or dishonest behavior.
leucistic: having whitish fur, plumage, or skin due to a lack of pigment.
mugwump: a person who remains aloof or independent, especially from party politics.
pneumatophore: the gas filled float of some colonial coelenterates, such as the Portuguese-man-of-war.
subfusc: dull or gloomy.
tetrapterous: having two pairs of wings.
voussoir: a wedge shaped or tapered stone used to construct an arch.
xeriscape: a style of landscape design requiring little or no irrigation or other maintenance, used in arid regions
Ah yes, and there was to be a challenge, was there not? Concoct a viable scenario in which all of the above listed words would be appropriate to. Then with the aid of an out of work alcoholic scripting hack, put together a one act play. Find a group of like minded individuals and stage a free public production of your Play. A park would be nice, preferably not the kind filled with urinating derelicts. Those who complete this challenge may feel satisfied in that they have potentially disappointed me somewhat less than most people in this world.
